Yes, You Can End a Marriage Lovingly

Make all the fun you want out of conscious uncoupling, but it works — and not just for Gwyneth Paltrow

You’re in a marriage you no longer want to be in. You’re scared to leave because of the expectation that you should make things work — because you made a promise, because others will be hurt if you leave, because you are being selfish for no longer being on the same path as your partner, because you want different things from life. You know it’s more damaging to everyone if you stay, but you also know that leaving will lead to judgment: How dare you? What do you do?

This was a dilemma presented in a closed Facebook page I’m part of, a supportive group, and the discussion has been illuminating.

A number of people said they, too, were struggling with the should messages. “Should” and “failed marriage” messages are exactly the reason why my co-author and I wrote our book — to fight the blaming, shaming, judging and guilt when, despite your best efforts, your marriage is just not working and it needs to end.

Reconfiguring their family

Shoulds aside, many in the group shared the creative ways they have reconfigured their family.