Yes, Men Have Unwanted Sex, Too

The sexual script for men is just as disturbing — and restricting — as the one for women

In the past weeks we’ve seen the second women’s march and a spirited discussion about an account of “Grace,” a young woman whose date with comedian Aziz Ansari went horribly awry in her eyes, from being “by far the worst experience with a man I’ve ever had,” to unwanted sex — or what she considers sexual assault.

The conversations that have arisen from the #MeToo movement and the Cat Person essay are necessary and important. Many women have experienced what “Grace” did. As Anna North writes:

“What she describes — a man repeatedly pushing sex without noticing (or without caring about) what she wants — is something many, many women have experienced in encounters with men. And while few men have committed the litany of misdeeds of which (Harvey) Weinstein has been accused, countless men have likely behaved as Grace says Ansari did — focusing on their own desires without recognizing what their partner wants.”

The danger of believing men ‘always’ want sex

I have been with men like that, for sure, and had my own #MeToo experience. Still, as the mom of two young men, I wondered if men have ever felt similar pressures…