Why You Might Want To Remove Sex and Romance From Your Relationship

Nora Ephron famously wrote, “Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be divorced from.” No one’s thinking about divorce as we enter wedding season, yet it’s inevitable that your relationship will change, whether you divorce or not. What you want is someone who will be a great partner, even if he’s no longer your lover and you’re no longer in love.

That’s sort of the premise of the Steven McCauley’s novel My Ex-Life.

It tells the story of David and Julie, who were briefly married until David came out, and who reconnect 30 years later when Julie needs his help with her daughter from a second marriage that’s in the middle of ending. Surprisingly, they rediscover the intimacy they had when they were married, but the romantic-sexual stuff is no longer a part of their dynamic.

Changing needs

But a couple doesn’t have to be divorced to lose the romantic-sexual connection, given all the talk about sexless marriages nowadays.

As McCauley says in an interview on “Fresh Air”:

It seems to me all relationships evolve as time goes on, even for people who stay together as a couple and even if the relationship remains sexual…