“we raise men to be angry by default.” Who is the “we” doing the raising? Moms still do most of the child-rearing (yes, there are 2 million stay-at-home dads and kudos to them and I’d love to see more, but even in dual-income families, moms still do the bulk) and if it isn’t mom, then it’s most likely a nanny, child-care worker — mostly women, mostly women of color — or Grandma (mostly Grandma).
Are we women raising men to be angry? I ask this as a mom of two young men who are sensitive, kind and generous men who wouldn’t ever consider that they were entitled to a woman’s body or love.
They both, however, we involved in sports and had male coaches who told them to “suck it up” and “be a man.” Even their dad sometimes said those sorts of things.
Yet the bulk of their time, most boys times, is with moms and women.
“if you give them a partner, especially if you give them a female partner, this anger will be managed. Their needs will be cared for, so they do not need to understand their own emotions because someone else will understand their emotions and attend to their needs for them.”
Because Mom typically manage their anger, cared for their needs?
So I ask, who is the “we” who is raising men, and if it’s mostly women, are we somehow helping to perpetuate gendered emotional responses? There are studies about parents treat and talk to/about sons and daughters differently.
All of which says to me that men themselves, Dads, need to start caring for their sons’ emotional needs and helping them manage their anger. Not sure this is the answer, but it surely can’t hurt …