Three Beliefs About Live Apart Together Couples That People Get Wrong

Yes, you can have commitment, sex and love — and freedom

The secret to a happy marriage may mean living apart together in separate master suites, a recent Wall Street Journal article declared.

Not everyone lives in a “4,700 square-foot Tudor home” or wants to, but without a doubt, more people, especially older people (like — *sigh* — me) are interested in having a room — if not a whole apartment or house — of their own.

Those who are divorced, widowed or never-married who want romantic relationships later in life are “motivated by the desire to remain independent, maintain their own homes, sustain existing family boundaries, protect the relationship and remain financially independent,” a recent study states.

But, as my co-author and I detailed in The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels, couples can choose that arrangement from the start of their marriage. Granted, this is a hard concept for many to wrap their heads around. They have questions. So, I have answers to the top three myths people have about live apart together (LAT) relationships, or what my friend Sharon Hyman calls apartners.

Why even get married if you’re going to live apart?

People get married for a lot of reasons, not just love although most of us like to think that’s the main reason — or should be the main reason — to wed. Although love is the №1 reason for hetero couples, according to the Pew Research Center, following closely behind are lifelong commitment, companionship, kids, having the relationship be recognized by a religious ceremony, financial stability and, finally, legal rights and benefits (same-sex couples overwhelming cite the legal rights and protections). I don’t see “to live together” as a top reason, do you? OK, in honesty, it’s probably just assumed. At the same time, all the stated reasons for marrying can be achieved while also living apart from your spouse.

What about companionship, you may ask. Well, there are many ways to interpret companionship. Does it mean being around someone 24/7? Does it mean sharing the same space? Can you have companionship while also…