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The Truth About What Really Makes Justin Bieber’s Marriage ‘Scary’

Can we all just acknowledge that newlywed Hailey Bieber is feeling some pressure right now?

Justin Bieber, 24 and Hailey Baldwin (now Bieber), 22 married — quietly — last fall. The couple got engaged in July, and a marriage license in September followed by a civil ceremony with a blow-out wedding to come at some point. And while Justin talked about how he chose to be celibate for a year before he and Hailey got together again — and that he was “rewarded” with her for his “good behavior” (ugh, no comment) — his new wife is talking about how challenging marriage is.

I’m not going to sit here and lie and say it’s all a magical fantasy. It’s always going to be hard. It’s a choice. You don’t feel it every single day. You don’t wake up every day saying, ‘I’m absolutely so in love and you are perfect.’ That’s not what being married is. But there’s something beautiful about it anyway — about wanting to fight for something, commit to building with someone. We’re really young, and that’s a scary aspect. We’re going to change a lot. But we’re committed to growing together and supporting each other in those changes. That’s how I look at it. At the end of the day, too, he’s my best friend. I never get sick of him.”

I’m glad Hailey is acknowledging that marriage isn’t “a magical fantasy.” Why would anyone think it would be? Although, let’s face it, the princess culture in America keeps telling women that the key to happiness is having a man and a happily-ever-after ending — and many women struggle with that message.

Parents, you’re the model

That said, most of us have had marriage modeled for us by our parents — assuming they were married (not all parents are). But even if they weren’t married, or living together or in some sort of committed relationship, our parents are our first model of romantic love.

You sit on a mat, you put a pillow down, and you beat your past out of it. I beat the fact that my mom was depressed a lot of my life and my dad has anger issues. Stuff that they passed on that I’m kind of mad they gave me.”

So it’s no surprise that Justin struggles with depression, which his new wife is insisting he address with therapy, which is probably why some insist that marriage makes people healthier — except, no, it’s generally wives pushing husbands to get treatment, so marriage often makes husbands healthier but stresses out the wives.

Needing ‘something certain’

Justin needs Hailey in ways that she may not need him. As he says:

I’m the emotionally unstable one. I struggle with finding peace. I just feel like I care so much and I want things to be so good and I want people to like me. Hailey’s very logical and structured, which I need. I’ve always wanted security — with my dad being gone sometimes when I was a kid, with being on the road. With the lifestyle I live, everything is so uncertain. I need one thing that’s certain. And that is my baby boo.”

Maybe that’s why Hailey finds marriage “scary”: that “for better or for worse” part always sounds good — in theory — but a lot more concerning when the “worse” part occurs more than the “better” part.

Owning you own stuff

That said, I’m a big believer in understanding your own shit before you throw it onto someone else. Doesn’t mean you have to have it all figured out. Doesn’t mean you have to be perfect or fully love yourself or whatever.

Written by

Award-winning journalist, coauthor of “The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels,” mom, changing the narrative about older women

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