The only way to make it “start at home” is:

— realize women have bargaining power. Women need to be clear about what they want and expect, and express that to their partner clearly and kindly

— they way to do that is to have the hard conversations before a couple decides to move in together and/or wed via a relationship contract; it’s the only thing that holds each person accountable. Or …

— Compensate the person doing the bulk of the chores, care and emotional work. This can be in a direct cash exchange or an IRA in that person’s name and/or a legal document not unlike a prenup … but one that doesn’t kick in when the partnership dissolves.

If a man won’t agree to any of the above, then we woman have to ask ourselves — what do we want him for?

Written by

Award-winning journalist, coauthor of “The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels,” mom, changing the narrative about older women

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