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How to Avoid Having a ‘His’ and ‘Her’ Marriage

First, kiss gender-stereotyped attitudes and behavior bye-bye

“The role expectations associated with being a husband or wife intersect with those to which men and women may more generally be accountable. … people tend to be accountable to dominant gender beliefs whether or not they act on them and to treat them as shared cultural knowledge whether or not they endorse them.”

“Typical studies of the household division of labor do not begin to capture all the unpaid caring work — for friends, extended family, schools, and religious and other community organizations — that women disproportionately do. Nor do they capture wives’ planning, organizing, and structuring of family life”

Cultural messages lend tremendous staying power to the notion that wives and husbands are fundamentally different and that wives should take responsibility for dealing with marital discord — largely by adjusting themselves and working to minimize their dissatisfactions.

Award-winning journalist, coauthor of “The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels,” mom, changing the narrative about older women

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