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How to Avoid Having a ‘His’ and ‘Her’ Marriage
First, kiss gender-stereotyped attitudes and behavior bye-bye
Some 50 years ago, sociologist Jessie Bernard noted that marriage is not a single entity; how marriage was experienced depended a lot on whether you’re the wife or the husband, what she noted as a “his” and “her” marriage.
The “psychological costs of marriage seem to be considerably greater for wives than for husbands,” Bernard says in her book, The Future of Marriage.
But marriage was a lot different in the early 1970s, when women had fewer options (although Bernard herself bucked a lot of trends back then). It’s now 2020, the age of stay-at-home dads and bread-winning moms, the age of equal partnerships. Right?
Well, not quite. The coronavirus pandemic lockdown is glaringly revealing that hetero couples aren’t dividing housework and child care any differently or more equitably than they were before the stay-at-home mandates even though there is ample time to do so.
What gives?
The problem is marriage itself, or more precisely heterosexual marriage.
Heterosexual marriage, especially among white, educated and well-off couples — the couples who are marrying more than others nowadays — is still very much a…
