How Not to Turn Your Marriage into ‘Marriage Story’

First, women need to stop losing themselves in relationships

I watched Noah Baumbach’s much-lauded “Marriage Story” and what struck me is how many women can see themselves in Nicole, the actor wife who wants out of her marriage to avant-garde theater director Charlie. Marriage made her lose her sense of identity, and what wife can’t relate to that?

They met when she was young rising theater star, fell in love, married, collaborated in theater projects, had a child and then he became “the draw.” She lost herself as she immersed herself in his life, his apartment, his theater company, his city — New York, although she wanted to move to Los Angeles, an idea he rejected.

Her dreams and desires seemed to disappear, and his were the only ones that mattered. I can relate — it’s what happened to me. And yet, it wasn’t my former husband’s fault — he didn’t demand I accommodate his needs although I’m sure he was very OK with the fact that I did — nor is it Charlie’s.

The problem is that many women are all too willing to give up their dreams, hopes and aspirations once they get into a romantic relationship (well, a hetero romantic relationship). Why?