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Fathers, Only Equal in Marriage?

Divorced and unmarried dads still face judgment and gender-based expectations

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We’re coming up on Father’s Day and even though we’re in the middle — or maybe still the beginning — of the coronavirus pandemic, dads all over will be feted as best they can on Sunday.

Maybe.

A lot of couples have been struggling during months of 24/7 togetherness and especially parents with minor children. As the stay-at-home orders have shown us, for parents who have been lucky enough to be able to work from home, dads have still not been doing their share around the house and with the kids. Granted, they are doing more than before, but still not enough — no doubt leading many wives to be even more frustrated than they might have been before the lockdown. And maybe even thinking about divorce.

But when it comes to divorce, the desire for an equal partner — a dad who is doing his share — seems to disappear, even though more fathers are asking for joint or primary custody than ever before.

We should applaud that — dad’s an equal partner, exactly what women want! (Sadly, nonmarital fathers fare worse, still not having achieved parity with married and divorced dads.) Yet we still aren’t used to seeing dads being so hands-on with their kids in public.

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Vicki Larson
Vicki Larson

Written by Vicki Larson

Award-winning journalist, author of “Not Too Old For That" & "LATitude: How You Can Make a Live Apart Together Relationship Work, coauthor of “The New I Do,”

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