Ask Huma Abedin Why More Women File For Divorce Than Men

You can do everything right and still end up with a marital mess

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I am feeling it for Huma Abedin. Earlier this week, Abedin — vice chairwoman of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 presidential campaign — announced that she is , who resigned from Congress in 2011 and lost a bid to be mayor of New York City in 2013, both times because of sexting scandals. Both times, Abedin stood by her man, being the for her marriage and their son, now 4 years old.

It took a lot of work and a whole lot of therapy to get to a place where I could forgive Anthony. It was not an easy choice in any way, but I made the decision that it was worth staying in this marriage. I made a decision for me, for my son and my marriage.”

But yet another just-revealed sexting scandal evidently led Abedin to her decision:

After long and painful consideration and work on my marriage, I have made the decision to separate from my husband. Anthony and I remain devoted to doing what is best for our son, who is the light of our life.”

If the had their way, Abedin would now be forced to undergo marital education and wait months before she could file for a divorce. I don’t think she made this decision lightly, do you?

I was willing to give Weiner the benefit of the doubt after the first sexting scandal — ? For some it is but each couple should decide for themselves if it is or not. Then I was royally skewered when I, very tongue-in-check, wrote an article on Huffington Post advising women like Abedin to “” (I don’t find Weiner attractive but obviously other women do, not just Abedin).

Commitment, with asterisk

But now? Well, as I said, I feel for Abedin; she did what a lot of marital therapists probably would have advised her to do — . She also took her commitment to her marriage seriously, except there always seems to be I’m not sure even , would encourage Abedin to stay.

Many may be shaking their heads, wondering why she stayed so long. Research psychologist and author :

It’s important to remember that we can never know what goes on in other people’s relationships. To assume Abedin chose to stay with Weiner despite his many flaws is to ignore the fact that she quite possibly decided to stay with him because of the many good qualities he possesses, the ones that appealed to her in the first place.”

Or, you know, .

Weiner did nothing illegal, just stupid. He didn’t drug and rape women, as . He didn’t , as serial cheater Bill Clinton did. He didn’t , as Sens. John Edwards and John McCain did. He doesn’t have a , although some might think he does. If anything, he has what I call big dick syndrome, a cockiness (sorry) that comes from knowing that he’s well endowed (because , and ).

If he had an old-fashioned affair, or affairs, perhaps (and isn’t that funny?) Instead, he just hurt his wife over and over in such a public way, even as they struggled to keep their marriage together. At some point, enough is enough.

Now what?

What’s next?

If, as Abedin says, they are “devoted to doing what is best for our son,” then they have a few options — have a traditional divorce and live apart, divorce and , or transform their marriage into a .

None is perfect right now, but removing the romantic/sexual aspect of their relationship — which may have — and transforming it into a parenting marriage would allow Abedin to focus on what she needs to do in Clinton’s campaign and Weiner to do whatever he needs — therapy, perhaps, unbridled sexting, or — who knows? — a career in porn. He already has the name, Carlos Danger. Mostly, it would give son Jordan what he needs — the love of his parents in his family home, and most likely an end to conflict.

People like to slam women because . All we have to do is look at women like Huma Abedin to understand why.

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Written by

Award-winning journalist, coauthor of “The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels,” mom, changing the narrative about older women

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