Member-only story
Are Divorced Families Troubled Families Or Just Plain Trouble?
Policies that ignore dads say a lot about marital and post-marital equality; the subtle message is that dads are second-class
I thought I was pretty prepared to become a divorced mom. Once I had decided that I could no longer stay in my 14-year marriage after months of therapy, soul-searching and self-help book reading, I put all my energy into exploring how to create as happy and healthy a life for my two boys, then 9 and 12.
After a few sessions of relatively amicable meetings with a mediator — mostly because we were too cheap to rack up a several-hundreds-an-hour attorney bill — we decided on 50–50 shared custody. A week with Dad, a week with me.
In the month or so after our divorce was final, it seemed to be working well until a previously benign event threatened to be its undoing. The back-to-school packet arrived one mid-August day, stuffed with colorful forms, fundraising requests and permission slips, including the contact form requiring the address and phone number of my kids’ primary residence.
I was stumped. Now, this was not the first time in my life as a mom that I have been stumped; try explaining why the sky is blue to a 4-year-old or quartiles, boxes and whiskers…